Tuesday, April 9, 2013

I Believe, Help Thou My Unbelief

Gospel music has been a huge influence in my life and the words to a particular Gospel song have been ringing through my head throughout our adoption process. I first heard it sung by the Gaither Vocal Band when I was a teenager - I vividly remember going to the concert at Carpenter's Home Church in Lakeland with a group from our church including my parents and grandparents. I still have the cassette tape (that's right, cassette tape!) in my office.

The song is called "I Believe, Help Thou My Unbelief." It comes from Mark 9 where a man brought his demon-plagued son to the disciples but they could not rid him of the unclean spirits. The father then asks Jesus, "If you can do anything, take pity on us and help us." "IF you can?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for one who believes. Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I believe; help thou my unbelief." 

I believe, help thou my unbelief.
I take the finite risk of trusting, as a child.
I believe, help thou my unbelief.
I walk into the unknown, trusting all the while.

I long so much, to feel the warmth
that others seem to know.
But if I never feel a thing, I claim Him, even so.

I believe, help thou my unbelief.
I walk into the unknown trusting all the while.
I walk into the unknown trusting, like a child.

When God calls and I respond, I'm the kind of person who needs the signs and confirmations along the way. So I'm incredibly grateful that my husband Daryl has the spiritual gift of faith. His belief in God's faithfulness is steadfast and unwavering, like a rock. In the moments when signs or confirmations don't seem to be forthcoming, Daryl gently reminds me that God will never call us to do something that He would fail to equip us for or sustain us in the process. 

This past weekend we received yet another sign of God's faithfulness, this time with regard to finances. At the beginning of our adoption process we received a $1,000 grant from our agency Lifeline towards our adoption fees because we were a pastoral family. We applied to a Christian foundation back in the fall for assistance in covering the evaluation fees from the International Adoption Clinic but were denied. That sort of took the wind out of our sails from applying for any of the other grants out there. So we worked hard on tightening our "belts" at home, sold some unused exercise equipment and extra furniture on Craigslist and cashed in a small IRA. 

In early March we heard about a Christian organization, the JSC Foundation, that helps adoptive families with grants. We felt compelled to try again. We had less than two weeks to get things together by their next deadline and some dear colleagues and friends helped us out with the references we needed just in time. We weren't expecting to hear anything either way until the end of April, but on Friday night we received an email letting us know we were one of their March grant recipients and the grant amount was generous. 

At every turn, when doubts or questions arise, another sign. 

"I believe; help thou my unbelief." 

God continues to prove himself faithful. 

"Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His love endures forever." Psalm 118:1

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